I Believe in Labeling People

It is a scientific fact that labeling is an important part of our brain functioning. On any given day we are inundated with thousands, perhaps even millions, of bits of data: colors, sounds, smells, sights...everything we encounter must be filtered and either ignored, reacted to or stored by our amazing brain. In order to handle this constant barrage of information our brain creates short-cuts; to help us group, categorize, and organize things in our head, we clump things that are the same in certain categories and then we slap a label on it and put it on the shelf of our mind. This sorting system works quite well in most circumstances: cats and cows are mammals, snakes and turtles are not. Oranges and apples are for eating, and (unless you are under two) dirt is not. Our labeling is designed to keep us out of harm and trouble, and it works... for the most part. Here's the problem:humans. Humans are so much more complex than a jar of mayonnaise or a book or a pet. Humans are spiritual, intellectual, and emotional beings, not just physical entities. Outside of the word "human" and its synonyms, there is no one-word label that can be used to adequately describe a member of the human race. We are each too unique. Even children from the same family with the same genetic pool are completely different. This is precisely where our "short-cuts" get us into trouble. We see other humans and automatically our brains want to start categorizing just like they do for everything else. We see "White" "Hispanic" "Black" "Asian" "Christian" "Atheist" "Muslim" "Jew" "Fat" "Skinny" "Pretty" "Ugly" "Republican" "Democrat" "Smart" "Dumb" and millions more like them. Each one of those labels may be accurate; that woman really does have white skin, that man really is a Jew. The problem is that suddenly instead of that label describing one tiny piece of information about that individual, our brains have had years of conditioning by culture and upbringing to give us the shortcut of a story that we attach to that label. When we think "Muslim" we have a picture in our mind, and a story that goes along with it that tells us what a "Muslim" is like...anything from what they believe to what they look like, wear, behave like, etc. All this information simply from one small word. This one small word discounts that there are millions of Muslims in many countries all over the world. Each individual in that religion has different upbringings, cultures, traditions, feelings, ideas, talents, and beliefs within that religion. Each individual may interpret what their scriptures may mean differently, or agree or disagree with their leaders. The same is true of any group we assign labels to. Do all Americans think alike? Do all people with brown skin behave and believe the same way? Do all Christians live their religion exactly identically? The answer is of course not. Every person on this planet has a different story, the unique personality and talents they are born with, and millions of experiences and opportunities (or lack thereof)that shape what they think and how they behave. Within a given group there are as many variations of belief or behavior as there are members of that group. So if labels are a "must" (and they are) what can we do? First we must realize the problem isn't that we are labeling, it is how we are labeling. From there, all we need do is RE-label. We must unravel and take a good look at the falsities in the stories we have put on our shelves, and be willing to force our brains to take some extra time in the labeling process when we encounter another human being (be it in person, on TV, or even the internet). Is that person just "brown"? Or is she a daughter, a singer, a dreamer? Is that voter from the "other" side a crazy ultra conservative racist or perhaps a radical liberal tree hugging baby killer? Or could they be normal people with valid reasons based on their personal needs, experiences,etc. and just be thinking about it from a different viewpoint? I think we all look at the news and shake our heads when we see what is happening in the world around us. What can we do? We can pause. We can take time to ask questions, challenge our thoughts, challenge others thoughts, try to see things from their point of view. We can learn something new. It might just surprise us what we find and how our labels may change. Next post coming: My personal Re-label project

Taking a Stand

Today I am afraid. I am afraid because the country whose ideals and standards I have always loved and cherished has disappointed me. I fear that the “land of the free and the home of the brave” is becoming the land of the distrusted and home of the hated.People with brown skin are afraid of having any encounters with law enforcement, police officers are afraid to be out on the streets doing their jobs, people of the Muslim faith are afraid to wear traditional clothing and be seen as terrorists, Christians are afraid to speak conservative views and be labeled as uneducated or bigoted, the LBGT community is afraid of being targeted and harassed. We are all afraid of someone or something. We are all living in fear. Fear and distrust are the very fuel of prejudice and hatred. It becomes a vicious cycle. Will the new level of fear black men are now burdened with make them appear more “suspicious” or “guilty” at the next encounter with a police officer? Will a police officer be more ready at hand with a gun to protect themselves now that they carry a heavy fear of being targeted? Where will the cycle end? Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., one of the greatest men who has ever lived, refused to allow anyone live a life of fear. He fought for the truth: Every life matters. His weapon of choice was words, his ammunition: truth and love. This country was changed for the better because he stood to conquer ignorance, fear, and hatred, with a dream, faith, love, and unfailing determination. I wish he was here. I wish I could hear what he would say today, but he is gone, and now it is our turn to stand, and our turn to speak. If we want to have a land that is truly free, then we must be willing to be brave. True bravery is not wielding a gun. Courage is smiling when our first instinct is fear. It is daring to challenge our own thoughts and look at things from another perspective. It is stepping out of our comfort zones. It is taking a stand and refusing to be a bystander. Most of all, it is love. Hate is the epitome of cowardice. Love takes guts. To love means to open yourself up, to be vulnerable, to take risks. It means we reach out and we reach across, instead of shading our eyes or shying away. Today I am hopeful. I believe in America. I believe that most people are good. I believe that black, white, Muslim, Christian, LGBT, police officer, or anything and everything in between are children of God, are worthy and deserving of respect, and just want to be seen, understood, and safe (physically, emotionally and otherwise) to be who they are no matter where they are. This is our country. We owe each other this. We owe our children this. The media is feeding off our fears and stoking the fires of intolerance in order to feed off the sensationalism these stories create. Today I saw people speak out. I saw messages of tolerance, of compassion, and a desire for change. I will join the fight. I will combat fear with stories of decency, kindness, and tolerance. I have let my voice fade because life can be overwhelming and priorities and balance are often an issue, but mostly I started to believe my voice didn’t make much of a difference…I realized today that if everyone believed that way, no progress would ever be made. I will step up. I pledge to do my part. I will not stand silently by and watch this land that I love fall apart around me. Thank you to all of you good, decent, beautiful people out there. Thank you for reminding me that hope is not lost. I believe in America because I believe in all of you.

By Small and Simple Things

I wanted to share an experience where someone did a small act of service for me, but it meant a lot to me.  I was shopping with my 2-year-old (which, as you can imagine, was not going well) and she was currently throwing a giant tantrum.  I was wearing my angry face while trying to find all the things on my list as fast as possible to get home.  When I was suddenly on the receiving end of a hug, I was caught completely by surprise.  I had been so busy worrying about my daughter, I hadn't noticed a sweet woman from my church.  But she had noticed me.  She said some kind words, most of which I didn't take note of, and we went our separate ways.  It lifted me a bit, to know that she noticed me struggling and didn't judge, just hugged.  This would have been a great experience had it ended there, but it didn't. 

That afternoon, she stopped by our home with a plate full of delicious cinnamon rolls.  More than the treat, however, it was the words she spoke that made this service meaningful.  She said exactly what I needed to hear, she saw straight to the heart of what I felt.

 I know a lot of times I've thought I should say something or do something and changed my mind or decided it would be too embarrassing or that I didn't know how to say it.  This woman's words and actions encouraged me to not hold those kindnesses back. 

Of Strangers, Phones, and No Sense of Direction...

Anyone who knows me well can attest that a having a great sense of direction is just not one of my gifts. I get lost... A LOT. This particular occasion it was myself and my four children crammed in a minivan on our way from Richmond, VA to Birmingham, AL. I had decided to stop over for the night with my brother-in-law and his family (who live in a small town in South Carolina) in order to make the drive more manageable. It was my first time using my phone as my GPS for a long trip, and didn't realize using it for GPS and music was draining my battery so quickly there was no way the regular car charger could keep up. Just before reaching the South Carolina border, the phone went completely dead. It only took me a few moments to realize that not only had I just lost my directions and my tunes, I had also just lost my only source of communication that could actually help me get a second set of directions. Being the resourceful (albeit directionally challenged) woman that I am, I whipped out my road atlas and figured out what roads I needed to take and what exits to get off to get me to the right town. This plan worked out beautifully until I took the last exit and entered said town, and recognized absolutely nothing. It was about 11:00 at night, the kids were all asleep in the van, and I was completely lost. The atlas was no help for local roads, so I decided to drive down the road I was on until I found a gas station where I could ask for directions or make a phone call. I drove for several miles before finding one; I went up to the doors only to discover they were locked. Here's the thing about small towns, apparently everything shuts down about 9 p.m., and there are no large grocery stores, or anything, really, one can just walk into in the middle of the night. I continued to drive that direction until there was absolutely nothing in sight; no homes, stores, or any signs of civilization, so I turned around and headed the other way. After what felt like a hundred miles (but what was in actuality more like 10-20)I finally came across a gas station with lights on and people inside. Finally, I could ask for some directions. I waited in line behind several people before reaching the counter and asking if anyone knew where the address I had was located. Nope, no clue, was the response. Now, quite desperately, I inquired if they had a phone I could use...indeed they did, but as I went to dial my home phone number, I was told the phone could not be used for long distance phone numbers. The phone number of the family I was to visit was, of course, inside the inoperable phone, which now left me with zero directions, and zero contact information. I stood dazed, attempting not to cry in the middle of the crowded gas station, as I considered my options. At this time they basically boiled down to 1. sleeping in the van in the parking lot of the gas station, or 2. attempting to find a motel in this small town, after hours. After several minutes of trying to decided what to do, I was approached by a grandfatherly-like gentleman who somehow had noticed me amid the crowd and apparently saw the distress on my face. He asked if I was lost and if I needed a phone. I choked out a grateful "yes!", and called my home, only to get no answer. The man then said he had a GPS in his car that I could use, and went out and brought it back for me to type in the address. Unfortunately, the GPS could not find a signal and was unable to locate the address and directions. About this time, his phone rang with my home number returning the call..I was able to get my brother-in-law's number and then use the man's phone to call him for verbal directions (the man supplied me with a pen and paper). The man looked at the directions I had received and said he was concerned I could still get lost because a couple of the streets I would need to turn on were not well marked, were confusing, and it was very dark. He said he knew his new smart phone had an app for directions (he didn't know how to use it, but thought I could probably figure it out), and would like me to take his phone and use it to find my brother-in-law's house, and that my family could get it back to him later. I said I definitely could not take him up on that extremely generous offer, but that I would appreciate using his app to get a visual of a map to see where I needed to go. After seeing the map, I thanked him for all his help, and started for my van. He quickly said he was on his way home and that he could at least let me follow him past the first couple of streets and make sure I got headed in the right direction. I followed him, and then the directions, and eventually made it there safe and sound, only to find out the next morning that he had called my brother in law later that evening to make sure I had made it there OK. I regret not having written down the man's name (in fact, being as upset and tired as I was, I'm not sure I ever even asked it), and didn't think until months later that I could have gotten his phone number from my brother-in-law's phone, and therefore was not ever able to properly thank him for his extraordinary kindness and tell him how much it meant to me. i will, however, never forget his generosity and caring, and try to remind myself to use his example to look for other faces in crowds who may need a phone, or some other simple kindness from a stranger.

A Governor Keeps His Word in a Big Way

Yes, you did hear that right. A politician not only kept his word, but went out of his way to do it...

My brother, Jeff, was invited by a friend to attend a Town Hall Meeting where Utah Governor Gary Herbert, and Lt. Governor Spencer Cox were in attendance. After the meeting, Jeff's friend introduced him to the Governor. The two of them hit it off quickly, and enjoyed a quick chat before deciding to have a picture taken together. There were dozens of people waiting to talk to the Governor,and by the time Jeff had his camera out and ready to go, someone had already started to talk to him. He waited a moment, but another person stepped in to speak with the Governor. Realizing, with the size of the crowd, he would most likely not get another chance to have the photo taken, Jeff decided to just go home. 45 minutes later, the doorbell to his house rang, and on the other side of the door was Governor Herbert, his body guards, and even a member of his staff! The Governor explained he came to take the pictures they had not had the chance to take earlier. Not only did he take pictures, but he also stayed and visited with Jeff and his family for about 30 minutes, including meeting Jeff's daughter and brand new grandson. Jeff recounted it as an amazing experience, and not one he will soon forget. Thank you, Governor Herbert, for reminding us that not all politicians are crooked and tainted (as we are so often led to believe), and that there still are many out there who are making an effort to do good things and keep their promises.

Montana Steps Up To Help

Our first guest blogger has arrived! Please welcome Auntie M to our blogosphere. "M" is from a beautiful little town in rural Montana, and says the following: "Today was my day to go help and do errands for a woman in town who has cancer.When the call for help went out, twice as many people than were needed said immediately that they would be happy to help."

*** Auntie M has requested that I post her stories for her. So, for her posts, even though it will show me as the author at the bottom of the post page, I will give her credit at the end of each post.

New Contributing Authors!

I am pleased to announce that several people have agreed to join this site and be contributing authors--so excited to hear their stories and good news! The author of each story will be visible at the end of each post, so readers can keep track of which story is who's... This is also a free invitation to anyone desiring to be a part of this movement to push back against the negativity that is so pervasive in our society; to be willing to pause and take notice of the random acts of kindness happening in the world around us and share them publicly in an effort to recognize that goodness not only truly does exist in this world, but is much more common than we tend to be aware of. Anyone desiring to post (even if it's just a couple of sentences, or even just one time) we would love to hear your stories--simply send your email address to kelleena29@gmail.com (this address was created solely for this purpose) I will add you as an author and then delete the information so as to protect your privacy...no one will be able to access your info, and I will not use it for any other purpose. Happy "spotting" all!